A Wine Lovers Guide to Wine-ing It

Wine tasting is basically just drinking with extra steps—and a lot more nodding like you understand what’s happening. Anyone else? Just me? Yeah, I didn't think so. 

After marrying someone who can detect rain on concrete in a glass. I’ve learned how to fully commit to the bit. And now you will too.

Here’s a secret: you don’t need to know everything about wine to sound like you do. Just memorize a few phrases, perfect your thoughtful swirl-and-nod, and toss out a confident "Ah, I love how the tannins evolve on the palate.”

Boom. You're now the person everyone thinks should be writing a wine guide.

Unlock your inner wine expert with this:

Step 1: The Swirl & Sniff

Before tasting, hold your glass by the stem (because warm hands = warm wine = sad). Then give it a gentle swirl.

Remember that scene in The Princess Diaries when the queen teaches Mia to wave? Graceful. Controlled. Regal. That’s your swirl energy. You’re not trying to create a tornado—just enough to coat the glass.

Then, put your nose in and inhale like you’re searching for the meaning of life. Bonus points if you close your eyes and mumble something like “mmm…interesting."

If someone asks what you’re smelling, default to:

• “I’m getting a lot of fruit on the nose.” (This works for almost any wine.)
• “There’s a hint of oak.” (Sounds fancy, even if you have no clue what that means. You've got about a 50/50 shot with this one.)
• “Very aromatic.” (Vague enough to sound profound. Perfect for when you're stalling for time.)

Step 2: The First Sip (aka The Performance)

This is your Oscar moment. Take a sip, let it linger, exhale like you’ve just discovered the secret to life.

Then deliver one of these:

• “Really well-balanced.”(The wine is fresh and the flavors combine well.)
• “Nice acidity.” (If it makes your mouth water, this works.)
• “The tannins are really structured.” (For red wines only—say it with confidence, and no one will really question you.)

Step 3: Drop Some Fancy Terms

Sprinkle these into the conversation, and people will assume you know what you’re talking about:

• Legs – Swirl your glass and point out the streaks running down. Say, “Ah, nice legs—means it’s got good body.” (No one's going to question you.)
• Minerality – Say this when you have no clue what to say. “I love the minerality.” (Boom. Instant credibility. Use this with white wines.)
• Terroir – A fancy way of describing the life of the vineyard. Just nod and say, “You can really taste the terroir.” (You don’t need to explain further.)

Step 4: The Art of Wine List Selection

Faced with a giant wine list? No problem. 

If in doubt, pick the second-cheapest wine—It’s usually the best value and doesn’t scream “I’m poor and clueless.”

When the server pours a taste, don’t panic. Just take a sip, nod thoughtfully, and say, “Yes, that’ll do nicely.” (That’s literally all you have to do. Unless it smells like vinegar.)

Step 5: The Escape Plan

If someone actually knows wine and starts asking detailed questions like “Do you think this was aged in French or American oak?”,  your best bet is to nod, take a long sip, and say:

• “Hmm… I’d need another taste to be sure.” (Buys you time.)
• “You know, I was just about to ask you the same thing.” (Deflects completely.)
• “I just love how complex it is.” (Works every time.)

Now say it with me: I'm not tipsy, just wine-savvy

Wine is all about enjoyment and honestly, even the big time experts make mistakes. So why not join the game? Swirl like a pro, drop a couple of fancy terms, and enjoy the fact that you are now a sommelier in training.